Yes, I did say… “Embracing the Overwhelm’.”
Parenting a child with a substance use disorder can be an overwhelming and challenging experience. As you navigate this journey, it is important to remember that learning and practicing new skills to support your child is key for yourself. If your Loved One is in recovery or on the path to the possibility of recovery, that too can feel quite overwhelming at times. That is okay and extremely normal. You might even want to, not learn new things and say why do I even have to? Or the biggest one I hear is “I am too tired’.
Guess what?! That too is okay. All of your feelings and emotions are okay. Yes, I am saying that over and over again because I really struggled a whole lot with my own emotions in the very beginning of my journey with my child and had no idea what to do with my emotion overload. To be perfectly honest, I still do at times, what is different now? Is that I have a variety of different things I can do that I have learned to focus on. Do what you can, even baby steps get you around the block. I feel it is crucial to understand that feeling overwhelmed or unmotivated is a natural part of this whole process. In this blog post, we will explore why it’s okay to feel overwhelmed and how embracing this feeling can ultimately lead to growth and positive outcomes for both you and your child at any age. I mention child a lot as my primary focus. Some of the steps I mention here work exceedingly well with all types of relationships dealing with Substance Use and also with out.
Acknowledge the Complexity:
Dealing with a child’s substance use disorder is a complex issue that requires a multifaceted approach. As I have mentioned in many of my blog post, there is not “a one size fit all” method. This may involve understanding addiction as best you can for the moment (this will grow more and more over time), learn effective communication strategies, setting boundaries and learning how to do this. Then providing support, for yourself and your Loved One. If you are asking right now, Cassandra where do I start? I would say with communication as your number one focus especially if that is all the energy you have in you right now. Recognize again, that it’s normal to feel overwhelmed when faced with such a complex situation. Give yourself permission to experience these emotions without judgment of yourself or others around you. We all have different ways of handling and doing things.
Seek Support:
Remember that you don’t have to face this journey alone. SO hard to remember when you are feeling unmotivated, overwhelmed, tired, embarrassed and or ashamed. Reach out to support groups, therapists, or counselors who specialize in addiction and family dynamics. You might be saying to yourself, who? There are a lot to choose from now a days. I have experience with the CRAFT Approach, The Invitation To Change Approach and SMART Recovery’s Approach. If you had to pick one right now you ask? I would start with SMART Recovery Family and Friends meetings. Which I highly suggest. Connecting with others who have similar experiences can provide a sense of relief, validation, guidance, reassurance and empowerment. Surrounding yourself with a supportive network can help alleviate some of the overwhelming feelings and provide valuable insights. My key words here are supportive network. Not one where you have to defend yourself or the reasons why you do something or are trying something new that might not make sense to someone. I would like to remind you that you do not have to listen to anything that is going to hurt you more or make you feel worse from anyone at any time.
Take Small Steps:
Learning and practicing new skills can be daunting, especially when it comes to dealing with a substance use disorder. Break down the process into manageable steps. Like tiny, tiny ones, real tiny and if that is still too much make it even more tiny. Focus on one skill at a time maybe, allowing yourself to fully grasp and implement it before moving on to the next. Celebrate each small victory along the way, I really emphasize celebrating each win, no matter how small, as they contribute to your overall progress and build an amazing muscle of seeing more wins AND IT FEELS GOOD the more you see them. I happen to love that and I find that quite helpful in my own life still.
Embrace Self-Compassion:
It’s crucial to be kind and compassionate towards yourself throughout this journey. Stop saying messed up stuff to yourself in your own head or out loud to yourself. Understand that you are doing the best you can with the energy, knowledge and resources available to you at this moment. Maybe say that line to yourself a few times (: Interrupt the not so good messages of things you’re saying to yourself. Take notice that you are doing that to your self. Accept that mistakes and setbacks are part of the learning process, yes that might be annoying and you might not be in the mood to accept that in the moment. It is well worth the effort to try to do so. Treat yourself with the same empathy and understanding you would offer to a close friend or loved one and if those 2 options don’t work think of how kind you are to your pet.
Prioritize Self-Care:
Caring for a child with a substance use disorder can be emotionally and physically draining even when they might be in the Recovery phase. You might feel quite beat up. Make self-care a priority to replenish your own well-being. This is quite hard for me at times still and I don’t make myself wrong about it. I meet myself where I am at. Engage in activities that bring you joy, practice mindfulness or meditation (I struggle with this greatly, even though I don’t want to lol), exercise regularly, and ensure you get enough rest. Taking care of yourself allows you to show up as a stronger and more resilient support system for your child and yourself. It is so true that you can not pour from an empty cup. That visual helps me a lot. I really picture a see through glass cup sideways that a hand is holding with nothing coming out of it.
Remember, it’s okay to feel all of your feelings whether it is feeling scared, empty, overwhelmed, and having uncertainty, when learning and practicing new skills to support your child’s recovery or the possibility of recovery from a substance use disorder. Embrace this feeling as a sign of growth and progress. Seek support, take small steps, and prioritize self-care along the way. By doing so, you are not only helping your child but also nurturing your own well-being and modeling healthy behaviors. You are on a courageous journey, with some time, repetition, dedication, and curiosity, positive changes are possible no matter what stage of change your Loved One is in.
Please Note: If you find yourself struggling with persistent feelings of sadness and despair or if it begins to impact your mental well-being, it’s important to seek professional help from a therapist or counselor and that could be a huge game changer. Just as we would want our Loved Ones in the best mental health possible. I feel we might want to think about giving that gift to OURSELVES too.
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Wishing you well always..
Peace, Love, & Tapping,
Cassandra Toppi
